Thursday, February 28, 2019

People Stories - H

The other night we ate dinner with a friend of friends. This young man once professed faith in Christ but now says he is not a Christian. When Mark asked him about his relationship with the Lord, this young man answered honestly that he no longer believed in the saving work of Christ. We encouraged him to explain. He originally attended a solid biblical church then changed to a church where he heard that if he were a Christian, he would have to give up his job and would lose his family. His culture places an extremely high value on a good paying job and family loyalty and he was not willing to give up those things. 

Also, he works with an organization that stipulates no beliefs. Mark and I both picked up these themes and tried to explain the biblical concept of work and the fact that every one of us has beliefs. We all believe in something, whether that is our work, God, or ourselves. We were made to worship, to believe in something. The question is "what or who do we worship?" Ourselves? Our work? Our family? Or our Maker?

On the subject of work, Mark explained at length that when we have faith in Christ, he changes our outlook on work. We can work faithfully, intelligently, and profitably. When we work for the Lord, we have the potential to earn money to live and to share with others. Mark then recounted his years with Hatfield Builders and the blessings the Lord provided along the way. God made us to work and to work well.

In the end, this young man said he would go back and read the Bible again, especially looking for those verses. We tried to explain that Jesus used those verses as figures of speech. Yet in his culture, he really could lose his job and his family disown him. True believers in Christ often experience rejection from family, employers, and society.

Pray for this young man. Pray that the Holy Spirit will give him understanding of the true gospel of Christ as he reads God's Word.


People Stories - E

We met E and her husband in the fall so we have spent quite a bit of time with them. On February 4, while our husbands watched the Super Bowl, she and I spent several hours talking, chatting, catching up, and wrestling with her spiritual state. I really challenged her to consider her relationship with Christ and not focus on other people’s faults, foibles, or faith. Toward the end of our time together, she asked, “Can I pray?” “Yes, of course!” In her own words, she confessed to Christ and asked him to save her. Since then I have seen her insatiable hunger for God’s Word. This all happened the day before Chinese New Year, a day before they traveled for the holiday. That day, I left her with Ultimate Questions, which she devoured and looked up all the referenced verses. Over the next few days, she texted me several times asking what to read next. Once she even wrote, “I’m very excited at the moment and want to read and understand as much as I can!” Eventually I handed her The Story of Hope, a book that highlights 40 stories from the Bible pointing to Christ, beginning with Creation all the way through to The New Creation. She loves it!

Pray for E that God would continue to give her a hunger for and understanding of his Word. Pray that his Word would be clear to her. Also, pray for her relationship with her husband. God needs to transform some unhealthy habits that they developed over the course of their marriage. They both need God’s grace to not put human constructs on God’s transforming work.



Wednesday, February 27, 2019

People Stories - Eve

Eve contacted us after coming to Beijing upon finishing several years living in the US. Like so many of our acquaintances, she went to the US as a teenager, attended US high school, and then earned her undergraduate and master’s degrees at a top US university. She lived in Minneapolis for a few years and went to a solid, Bible-teaching church. She contacted us looking for a solid Bible-teaching, English-speaking church in Beijing. Although she cannot attend Beijing Baptist Church, we met her a couple of times to hear her heart and help her wrestle through her spiritual struggles. The Lord taught her much during her years in the US. She has a terrific grasp of the truth and Scripture, yet she feels she just cannot believe in Christ yet. What if she doesn’t have enough faith? What if she doesn’t fully come to Christ? After we introduced her to some of our friends and we again had time with her, we (as well as our friends) asked her, “What keeps you from putting your faith in Jesus Christ?” We jested with her that she reminds us of the apostle Paul of whom Festus said, “Paul, you are out of your mind! Your great learning is driving you mad” (Acts 26:24).


Please pray for Eve, that she would come to Jesus like a little child, with simple faith, believing that he will save her from her sinful state. We liken her to a child ready to be born – she’s in the birth canal. Jesus, push her out into eternal life.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

Guys' Night

Another fantastic Guys' Night. This picture was taken before a couple more guys arrived. The guys come for dinner and discussion. This year they are discussing topics from the book Masculine Mandate by Richard Phillips. They talk about how to be godly men and how the gospel affects daily situations. Often the night includes practical life skills as well, such as learning to pass the common dishes at the table so everyone gets some of the food. Always lots of fun, laughs, learning, and camaraderie.

Monday, February 18, 2019

Snow Day!!

Tuesday, February 12, 2019



Overlooking the courtyard from our third-floor gym


Snow brushed into the tree wells to provide much-needed moisture.





A visit to the Old Summer Palace

Frozen lake covered with snow



10 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it." Isaiah 55:10-11


Red Lanterns for Chinese New Year

Who reads signs? Apparently not the workers.


Swallows in the reeds

Consider the [birds]: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!



Since it's winter, brown, and dry, let's tie blooms to the trees for Spring Festival.
Actually, these ornamental peach trees produce naturally beautiful blooms in April.

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Let the Children Come - an essay for parents

Below is a lengthy essay I developed over a couple of years to give practical help for families teaching their children how to participate in corporate worship of the Lord. I decided to post it here in lieu of it gathering dust inside my computer storage.


Let the
Children Come

Teaching Ourselves &
Our Children to Worship God

September 2016  by Cheryl Hatfield, Beijing, China


All rights reserved. No part of this booklet may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without prior permission of the author. The author may be contacted at mchatfield6@bellsouth.net.

Scripture quotations marked ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright ©by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.

The blog post entitled “10 Tips for First Time Obedience” by Kathie Morrissey used by permission.

Cover image: public domain from https://pixabay.com/en/choir-gospel-people-group-standing-309051/

Preface

~~

I am indebted to Robbie Castleman’s book Parenting in the Pew: Guiding Your Children into the Joy of Worship, William P. Farley’s book Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting, Ginger Hubbard’s book “Don’t Make Me Count to Three!”, and John & Noël Piper’s pamphlet “The Family: Together in God’s Presence”. These resources helped develop my thoughts and ideas about how to teach our children and our church’s children to worship our holy God.

As my husband, Mark, and I prepared to move to Beijing for him to pastor an international church for ex-pats (foreigners), I gathered up material and resources to help parents raise, nurture, and instruct their children in the Lord, part of which included teaching them how to worship our God. Robbie Castleman’s book offered motives and tips on how to engage our kids in worship. It’s a book I wish I had when our children were young and learning to sit in “Big Church.”

At the time of her writing, Robbie was a pastor’s wife of a traditional, high-context Presbyterian Church in America (PCA) church. Her ideas fit her context. I bought the book for our church parents, but no one purchased the book. Maybe the words in the pew intimidated them. We first met in a hotel room then in a business center. We didn’t have pews; we sat in chairs. The PCA church used hymnals; we displayed song lyrics on a screen. The PCA church had beautiful, symbolic banners; we had glass walls. How could we adapt her ideas to our context?  So after reading her book, various blogs, and our church restructuring its children’s ministry, I decided to find ways to help our parents include their children in the holy act of worshipping a holy God.  This booklet is a result of those efforts. I pray we all learn ways to train ourselves and our children to worship our holy God.

~Cheryl Hatfield
Beijing, China 2016


Priorities

When parents place high importance and worth on worshipping God, then children will learn and catch that importance. We parents must teach our kids, yet they catch much more from our lives than we realize. They pick up on our attitudes. They mimic our words and tones of voice. They model our behaviors. What a wonderful, but also frightening, reality. God gives us parents a sacred responsibility to nurture and instruct our children.

Consider God’s words in Deuteronomy 6:4-7:
Hear, O Israel: The Lord God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise (ESV). (Emphases mine)

And in Ephesians 6:1-4:
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Emphases mine)

For how-to parenting, I highly recommend Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting by William P. Farley and “Don’t Make Me Count to Three!” by Ginger Hubbard. These authors lay down foundational principles for parenting that also form the basis for training our kids how to worship with the body of Christ.

When we parent our children by teaching them to worship, we rely on God’s merciful grace to work in their hearts. We moms and dads nurture, train, teach, discipline, and disciple with faith believing that God gives our children the capacity to learn and obey. Therefore, by faith we can expect them to grow in learning how to worship. Children often rise up to our expectations when we set those expectations in a biblical framework.

Why is teaching our kids to participate in worship important? Why is it important for us to participate and not just sit and listen? God is worthy of our worship. When we read through the Scriptures that all people – men, women, and children – heard God’s Word and worshipped, we know God desires that of us.

When Ezra read the Book of the Law in Nehemiah 8, everyone “who could understand” (vs. 2, 3) listened, wept, and celebrated. Ezra declared that day holy unto the Lord. As a result, all the people confessed their sin and acknowledged that God is “ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Neh. 9:17).

When Ezekiel saw a vision of God’s glory, he fell on his face in worship (Ezek. 1:26-28). When John in the book of Revelation saw a vision of Jesus’ glory, he fell down as though dead. He worshipped Jesus (Rev. 1:12-17).

God is worthy of our worship.

Gospel-Focus

When we teach our children how to behave in church or a worship service, we don’t want to only address behavior. That would be moralism or legalism. We want to bring the message of God’s glory and his salvation to their hearts. We know it’s hard, or even impossible, to really worship without applying the message of redemption to their hearts and ours.

We all need the forgiveness of our sins and sinfulness. Parents and children alike. To worship rightly, we need to learn, and to teach our children, to confess our sins – the wrongs we commit and the right we omit – then pray to Jesus to wash those sins away and give us a heart ready to worship him. When we truly understand Jesus’ forgiveness of our sins, then we truly understand real worship.

We don’t train our children to perform or behave in a particular way for the sake of good behavior. We train them to hear and apply God’s Word to their hearts. In the early stages of their lives, they may not and probably won’t understand it all. But like all training, sometimes the pieces of understanding come later. We parents are the teachers and modelers of worship, always laying the foundation of the gospel.

Preparation

How can we prepare our young children to participate in worship? 

Preparation begins at home, not in the worship service. To illustrate - athletes spend many hours on drills, techniques, and mock games before the real game. All the things the athlete has learned and rehearsed come together in the big game. We moms and dads can teach and train our kids to sit quietly and pay attention by practicing at home before the big game of participating in a worship service.

However, practical preparation for Sunday worship actually begins on Saturday evening. Even the New Testament Jews referred to the day of Preparation (John 19:42).

What can we parents do on Saturday to prepare for Sunday worship?

Here are some practical ideas:

Maintain a consistent family mealtime at a normal dinner hour. Consider the dinner hour as the beginning of preparation. Eating as a family draws everyone into closer community and builds a sense of togetherness. Talk about what will occur in tomorrow’s worship service. Talk about what the children will see and hear. Talk about your expectations for your children.

Before or after dinner, bathe children so they enter bed clean, refreshed, and calm. This avoids a Sunday-morning rush to bathe.

Lay out an easy-to-fix, nutritious breakfast for Sunday morning. Feed children well before coming to the worship service.

Lay out children’s (and parents’) clothes the night before. Gather the outfit, socks, shoes, and accessories and have them ready to wear before going to bed. This avoids the stress of searching for that missing sock or pressing out wrinkles on Sunday morning.

Gather all items to bring to worship and organize them by the door. This might include Bibles, notebooks, diaper bags, purse, keys, etc. Then in the last minute rush to get out the door, just pick up the pile and go. This avoids the stress of hunting for Bibles or notebooks at the last minute.

Maintain a consistent bedtime for children and parents so everyone in the family wakes up rested to worship. We all have better attitudes and attention spans when well rested and refreshed. If a child needs a specific number of hours of sleep to be at his best, order the week so he consistently receives that sleep on Saturday. This goes for parents too.

On Sunday morning, wake up refreshed with plenty of time to get ready without rushing or stress. Consider adding time for contingencies like spilled breakfast or temper tantrums. Satan loves to sidetrack our path to worship on Sunday mornings with accidents and arguments. Have enough time to overcome these temptations.

When our family had young children, I usually fed them breakfast before getting them dressed to avoid spills on their clothes.

Leave home at a time that allows you to arrive at least 15 minutes before the worship service begins. That gives you and the children enough time to visit the restroom, fellowship with friends, find a seat, and prepare hearts for worship without rushing.

How do we prepare our hearts for worship even as we enter the worship service?

After locating your seat and organizing your things, spend a bit of time reading a Bible passage to get your mind settled on who God is. Who is this God we have come to worship? Perhaps read a short psalm that describes God or read the upcoming sermon text. Perhaps pray silently asking that God would help you focus and learn. We moms and dads can help our children do these things as well. Again, they catch much as they watch us worship.

What can we parents do to help our children learn to worship?

Here are some ideas:

First, we need to instruct our children to obey us as parents. They need to learn to obey immediately, cheerfully, and completely. Without first-time obedience, all the training and teaching described hereafter is useless. See the Appendix A for “10 Tips for First Time Obedience”.

We need to communicate to our children that worshipping our Lord is a sacred event. When our young children sat in the worship service with us, we didn’t allow them to bring toys, books, crayons, markers, etc. to church or to sleep in church. They were expected to sit still, listen attentively, and eventually take notes. But how do we as parents begin that training?

One of the best ways to teach children to worship is through family devotions and family prayer time. As Noël Piper writes in her article,
      “We discovered that the very earliest ‘school’ for worship is in the home – when we help a baby be quiet for just a moment while we ask God’s blessing on our meal; when a toddler is sitting still to listen to a Bible story book; when a child is learning to pay attention to God’s Word and to pray during family devotional times.”

During family worship, teach children to listen attentively and participate appropriately by using the suggestions that follow. Use devotional resources or plans that accommodate the ages of your children. See Appendix B for some excellent resources.

In addition, most kids love to hear Mom and Dad read stories to them. Read short stories out loud to young children. In preparing them to participate in worship, start with short stories for which they can sit still. The younger the age, the shorter the story. Teach them to be quiet and not talk or ask questions until you have finished reading the story. We want our kids to actively participate in learning so after the story, tell the children, “Now that I’ve finished the story, let’s talk about it.”

As children get older and their attention span grows, graduate to reading longer stories for longer periods of listening and not interrupting. Consider placing chairs in a row, have children sit still in the chairs as you sit in front of them reading a story, much like a teacher in a classroom. Place the chairs in a row without tables, toys, or other distractions. Have the children sit still and quietly with their hands folded on their laps as you read. The same procedure could be used with movies to train them to sit still and be quiet.

Consider holding practice worship services. Children learn through play and practice. Include elements of your church’s worship service, explaining each element, what it means, and how we worship God through that element. Some churches use liturgical elements. Explain why your church uses that liturgy. What does it mean? Where do we see those elements in Scripture?

Teach children how to pray by praying with them. They need to be taught how to behave in prayer; it doesn’t come naturally. Show them how to fold their hands to keep them from fiddling or playing with items. It also helps them keep their hands to themselves and not pester the person next to them. Teach them to close their eyes so they aren’t looking around when they pray. In addition, by closing our eyes, we communicate to them that God is a spirit and cannot be seen.

Demonstrate to them how to bow their heads out of reverence for God. All cultures recognize that bowing is a sign of honor, respect, and worship. Show them and instruct them how to be still and quiet when others pray.

Pray with children to model what to say in prayer. Use Scripture passages of prayer as patterns to pray. Teach them to praise God in prayer, acknowledging his attributes and characteristics. Help them focus on who God is before they remember prayer requests.

Teach children to follow along when the congregation sings or when someone reads the Bible.  If the congregation stands when they sing, make your child stand still beside you. Don’t let her flop on the pew or chair. Direct her attention to the words. If the church uses songbooks or hymnals, place a finger under the words for her to follow a finger and see the right words. Even pre-readers can follow a finger. This practice also helps prepare them for the time when they learn to read.

If the church projects songs onto a screen, direct his eyes to the screen. Maybe even contact the person responsible for music and ask him or her to print lyrics to the songs. With printed lyrics, place your finger under the words and help the child follow along. Don’t let him mentally or physically wander. Help him stay focused on the task.

The same techniques work for Bible reading. Although many of us now use digital devices to read our Bibles, we can employ the same finger method to help our kids follow along. God’s Word is so important that we want them to bring a Bible to the worship service and to help them read it. Although many simple Bible versions exist, kids can more easily follow the version that is read publicly than bringing a children’s Bible to the worship service. To help your child understand what’s read, re-read the sermon passage at home in a children’s version. But to follow along with the worship service reading, keep it the same version as what is publicly read. As the pastor preaches, also point out key words or verses from the Bible on which the child can focus.

If you know the Scripture text for the next Sunday from which the pastor will preach, consider reading that passage ahead of time with the children. Then when they come to the worship service and hear the message, they will be familiar with the passage.

How can we help kids listen and take notes?

Consider purchasing a special notebook and designating it only for worship service. 

Young children like to draw. Take advantage of this and help them draw pictures of what the pastor talks about. By keeping the focus of the drawing on the sermon, it keeps their attention on the message. Edith Schaeffer in her book The Hidden Art of Homemaking described how she helped her children draw pictures of the sermon by first creating basic symbols to represent concepts. For example, a stick figure with a black heart represented a person before believing in Jesus. A stick figure with an open or clean heart represented a person whose heart had been cleansed by Jesus.  A cloud represented God because he doesn’t have a body, and we don’t want to give an image to God. A cross represented Jesus. She developed other representative symbols that she taught her own children to use in drawing sermon pictures. Drawing pictures unrelated to the sermon for the sake of keeping quiet wasn’t allowed.

As children get older and can write, parents can write down a verse pertaining to the sermon and have the child copy it into his special worship notebook. Depending on how the pastor preaches his sermon, children can write down the main idea or key words of the sermon.

As they grow in understanding, help them listen and write down an outline for the sermon. Then as they mature, they can fill in the outline more fully.

Some churches provide a Kids’ Bulletin to facilitate listening and participating. Our home church developed a Kids’ Bulletin that I then adapted to our overseas international church. Encourage your child to interact with the Kids’ Bulletin. Be sure to supply a pencil for him to use.

Communicate the importance of the message by reviewing it and talking about it at home during the week. Review your child’s drawing, note taking, or Kids’ Bulletin. Ask her what she remembers about the message. Always relate the pastor’s message to the message of the gospel and help your child see her need for salvation in Jesus.

Be creative and help your children listen actively and take notes. Teach them to listen by instructing them to look at the speaker when he preaches. Help them to engage in active listening. If they listen actively and attentively, they can learn to take notes of the message.

If you as a parent aren’t used to taking notes during a sermon, this would be a great way for you to begin as well. Start simple and grow with your kids. They will model what you do.

A trip to the restroom is another very practical preparation for sitting in a worship service. Prior to the service, encourage children to use the facilities even if they say they don’t need to go. It’s always amazing that they can if they try. Strongly discourage leaving during the time of worship.

For our family, we found that sitting near the front of the worship space helped minimize getting distracted by other people. It also encouraged our children to sit quietly so they wouldn’t be a distraction to others.

Naturally, you as a parent know your child’s level of understanding. However, kids often grasp much more that we recognize. Just as they learn their native language by hearing and absorbing it long before they can speak it clearly and articulately, so they also learn from our direct teaching and modeling.

Decorum

To help kids understand the specialness and sanctity of worship, we parents should teach them how to behave in the worship space. In past decades, most worship services took place in a traditional church building. We often had the sense of walking into a special place because of the architecture, decorations, and arrangement. Even today when we walk into an old ornate cathedral, we experience a sense of awe. When we meet in warehouse-type spaces, hotels, or business spaces, we lose some of that decorum and awe.

Let’s consider how the people of God in the Old Testament approached the worship of God. We would agree that in the Old Testament, the tabernacle and temple held very prominent positions. These beautiful structures inspired awe and decorum. They set the atmosphere for what occurred in that place.

Yet God was more concerned with the people’s hearts and how they prepared to worship him. God required the people to “consecrate themselves” before they approached him. How would we in the 21st century define consecrate? To consecrate means to set apart as sacred, to consider holy, and to be different than everyday. How does that apply to decorum in worship in our time and context? Just as God set apart one day of seven to focus on worshipping him, we can teach our children and ourselves to set apart our expectations and attitudes toward our acts of worship and our space of worship.  We can communicate to our children the holiness of worship and instruct them to behave in a manner consistent with reverence and awe. For example, ideas to facilitate an attitude of reverence might include the following: walking rather than running in the worship space, talking quietly (using an inside voice) rather than talking loudly or yelling, children standing near parents when parents fellowship, and parents including children in conversation when appropriate. Adults can engage children in conversation on their level, asking them what they learned.

Regardless of the type of space in which we meet, we must remember that we meet God there.

 

Dress

In addition to respecting the space in which we meet, we can teach our children to make that separation by not wearing everyday play clothing to public worship.  We often dress differently for special occasions like weddings, funerals, or special parties. Why would we not come to the Lord in a similar manner? Why would we dress up to meet an important person but not to meet the Lord? Have you ever noticed how our attitude and demeanor improve when we dress up a bit? The same is true for children. Watch how a girl acts when she wears a pretty dress or how a boy acts when he wears slacks. We must be very careful to not communicate self-righteousness by how we dress or that how we dress affects our standing with Christ. What we wear has nothing to do with our salvation. Yet if we want to teach the importance of worship, sometimes it helps to dress up a bit.

Discipline

What do we parents do when our children don’t sit still or pay attention in a worship service? How do we discipline them in those moments?

First, crying children should be immediately and discretely removed from the service. Crying babies and crying young children distract all worshippers and the pastor. Take the child to a place out of earshot of the worship center until she calms down and you can gently talk with her. Depending on the age of the child, instruct her on what you expect her to do in the worship service then either return to your seat, return to a back row, or remain outside the worship space within earshot of the sermon. At these moments, you can teach her how to be quiet while sitting unobtrusively and you the parent can still hear the message.

In the case when children start to fidget, develop a discrete way to get their attention and communicate quietly that they need to sit still. With our own school-age children, I often gave them a ‘look’ to let them know they were misbehaving, or I would reach my hand over and firmly squeeze the child’s knee to get his attention. At other times, I might put my arm on the back of the pew (in our case) and place my hand on his shoulder to communicate that he needed to settle down. I usually sat the wiggliest child next to me so I could easily help him or her. In a family with a few children, they could each sit between parents. With our four children, I usually had one of them within arm’s reach even if he didn’t sit right next to me.

Afterwards

After the worship service, praise your children when they attempted to behave well. Specifically point out something they did well, such as singing along with the songs or following along with the Bible reading.

 

What do we do if our child completely disregards our instruction? After the worship service, one parent should immediately and quietly take the child to the most private place available to speak to her about expectations and how she did not obey. Then administer the appropriate consequence or promise to administer the consequence immediately upon arrival at home. If the promise is for later, follow through on that promise. A child quickly learns not to trust her parents’ promises when a parent doesn’t follow through on the disciplinary measure.

Final Encouragements

As we teach our children to worship, let us remember what Jesus said to the Samarian woman and to the disciples:

“But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.”(John 4:23-24)

“Jesus said, “Let the children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.”

Let us help our children become true worshippers of Jesus by bringing the message of redemption to their hearts. We parents must point them to the gospel message that answers such important questions as Who is God? What does He require of us? And, How is Jesus our Redeemer?

We also help our children become worshippers of Jesus by helping them train their attention and minds to the holy act of worshipping a holy God.

May God give us parents patience and grace to encourage our children to come to Jesus.



APPENDIX A
Because websites and blogs change frequently and sometimes get removed, I obtained the author’s permission to quote the entire article below for easy reference. Please see the Bibliography for its reference.

10 TIPS FOR FIRST TIME OBEDIENCE
JUNE 13, 2014KATHIE Morrissey

One of my readers...requested that I offer more tips for teaching first time obedience or reviving obedience. That request inspired me to write this post for those times when you are struggling as a parent to teach your child to obey, or get them back in the habit when you have let obedience slide.

When our kids were very young, my husband and I worked hard to teach them the importance of obeying the first time they were told to do something. It took a lot of training, practice, and reminding, but we felt that first time obedience was vital for two reasons:

We wanted them to learn to obey the first time, so when God spoke to them they would obey Him without question.

Safety reasons.

If they were about to run in front of a car, we couldn’t risk them waiting till the 3rd time we said “Stop!”Or if they were about to touch a hot stove, they needed to know that when we said “don’t touch!”they should immediately stop.

In reality, if our kids can obey us the 3rd or 4th time we tell them something, they have the ability to obey the FIRST time, so why not require it?

Picture the parents who use the “1, 2, 3” method. Their child has been trained that they don’t have to move or obey right away, but can wait till right before or Dad says “3”.Repeating your commands or threatening them like this, trains them to disobey.

Children who wait till we have raised our voice, threatened, or told them something several times, do so because they’ve been “programmed” or trained that way by the parents. We shouldn’t get angry with them, since we have unknowingly trained them to wait to obey.

So what should you do if your children are in the habit of not obeying the first time you speak to them? Don’t get angry, but realize that either they are still young and in training, OR that you have unintentionally trained them to disobey. At that point, it’s up to YOU to have the self-discipline to break the habit of repeating instructions. In either instance, patience will be required, as training is still in progress.
Sit down and talk to them about the problem. Take the blame, and let them know that God says that children should obey their parents, and that when they wait to do what they are told, it’s not obedience. (Obedience is doing what you’re told, right away, with a good attitude.)
Explain and give examples of right and wrong responses when they are told to do something. Then PRACTICE right responses. This is especially important for younger kids. We would turn it into a game, and clap and praise when they responded right during our practice sessions.
Pray with them asking God to help them to obey right away, and to help you, the parent, be consistent, as well.
Let them know that for the next few days you will remind them when their response is wrong (disobedient), and ask them to try again. Bad habits take time to change, so we can’t just expect them to instantly start responding right, if we have allowed them to wait till the 3rd or 4th time.
Consider a character chart, where you give stickers each time you catch them responding right. Positive reinforcement is always my first choice for encouraging changes in behavior. Have a reward when a certain number of stickers have been earned.
After a few days of reminding, and practicing the correct behavior, let them know that you now EXPECT them to continue this way without reminders. Them up for success by giving some easy or fun commands early in the day, then praising the obedience. This will make the other kids eager to try, and also serve as a reminder of what is now expected.
Determine an appropriate consequence for disobedience, and let the kids know in advance what it is. Then when they “forget” and don’t obey the first time, you can calmly call them aside and talk to them about it, and remind them of the consequence they will receive because of their disobedience.
Be consistent, and don’t fall back into the old habit of telling them often, or threatening and raising your voice. When you aren’t consistent, they learn to take chances. It’s not fair to make them wonder each day if you are going to be strict, or if one or two of them might get away with pushing the limits.
Be sure and show grace when needed. A child is doing very well, but is having a bad day and messes up, determine whether it’s out of rebellion, or more of an immaturity issue that needs to be worked on.
If you are going through an extra busy time, or for some reason DO find that you have fallen back into the habit of giving orders more than once, or yelling to get the kids to listen, call another family meeting. Admit that you haven’t been training them to obey like you should, apologize for your inconsistency, and once again have a few days of training and practice.

It’s easy to gradually let things slip, and we all are prone to it. Don’t get discouraged, and don’t get angry with the kids. Realize the need to address the issue, and ask God to help you to be consistent!

http://thecharactercorner.com/10-tips-for-first-time-obedience/

Appendix B

Excellent Devotionals for Kids

Beeke, Joel R. (2009). God’s Alphabet for Life: Devotions for Young Children. Grand Rapids, MI: Reformation Heritage Books.

Challies, Tim. (2011, June 6). How I Lead My Children in Personal Devotions. Retrieved September 15, 2016, from CHALLIES.COM: http://www.challies.com/resources/how-i-lead-my-children-in-personal-devotions

Harding, Susan. (1991). Tell Me about God: Simple Studies in the Doctrine of God for Children. Carlisle, PA: Banner of Truth.

Helm, David R. (2014). The Big Picture Family Devotional. Wheaton, IL: Crossway.

Hunt, Susan, & Hunt, Richie. (1999). Big Truths for Little Kids: Teaching Your Children to Live for God. Wheaton, IL: Crossway.

Lloyd-Jones, Sally. (2007). The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan.

Machowski, Marty. (2010). Long Story Short: Ten-Minute Devotions to Draw Your Family to God. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press.

Machowski, Marty. (2012). Old Story New: Ten-Minute Devotions to Draw Your Family to God. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press.

Machowski, Marty. (2011). The Gospel Story Bible: Discovering Jesus in the Old and New Testaments . Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press.

Partner, Daniel & Arbuckle, Kathy. (1995). Bedtime Bible Story Book: 365 Read-aloud Stories from the Bible. Paradise Press, Inc.

Schoolland, Marian M. (1995). Leading Little Ones to God: A Child's Book of Bible Teachings. Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

Vos, Catherine F. (1983). The Child's Story Bible. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans Books for Young Readers.

Bibliography
Castleman, Robbie. (2002). Parenting in the Pew: Guiding Your Children into the Joy of Worship. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Books.

Farley, William P. (2009). Gospel-Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting. Phillipsburg, NJ: P & R Publishing.

Hubbard, Ginger. (2003). "Don't Make Me Count to Three!". Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press.

Morrissey, Kathie. (2014, June 13). 10 Tips for First Time Obedience. Retrieved August 3, 2016, from The Character Corner: Purposeful Parenting: http://thecharactercorner.com/10-tips-for-first-time-obedience/

Piper, John & Noёl. (n.d.). The Family: Together in God's Presence. Desiring God Ministries.

Schaeffer, Edith. (1985). The Hidden Art of Homemaking. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Tricia. (2013, April 17). No Fuss Parenting - Teach Kids to Sit Still. Retrieved April 18, 2016, from The Domestic Fringe: http://thedomesticfringe.com/no-fuss-parenting-teach-kids-to-sit-still/